Ear Ye, Ear Ye

I’m prepping to fly to Orlando and get on a big ole boat to the Bahamas which means I will be off the grid for several days. Manage as best you can.

Things I’m looking forward to saying:

Ho-lee ship!
Permission to climb aboard.
Captain’s Log (this may very well be the name of the series of blogs posted upon my return.)
Hit me. (Think Black Jack, not Chris Brown.)

I also can’t wait to see my first “Trust Me I’m a Doctor” shirt. It will only be funny the first time. Unless there are a multitude of dudes in the same shirt, in which case that might be funny.

Ok so last night, I took a walk on the wild side. (It was Friday night, after all!) I’ll cut straight to the chase: I cleaned out my ears with hydrogen peroxide.

Everything you’ve heard about living in Los Angeles is true, right? Maintain your excitement.

If you talk to anyone they’ll tell you Q-Tips are bad. But they feel so good! But you can puncture your ear drum. Not a good thing. Enter hydrogen peroxide.

A friend told me about it. So I tried it. I turned my head into Neti pot position and poured some HP in my ear. It was like Pop Rocks. Fizzy. I figured that meant it was working. After a couple minutes I turned my head (emptied out) and then did the other one. For whatever reason I didn’t like this side as much and emptied early.

Since nothing really came out, I cleaned out both ears with a Q-Tip.

Then I wondered if I did it right. I figured at least the Q-Tip part was wrong. So I turned to Google and came across this. If there’s anything I trust Lance Armstrong’s advice on…it’s bicycling and having several kids with just one testicle. But hey, these Livestrong peeps seem to know their stuff.

Step 1

Pull your hair back and cover your head with a towel or hat. This prevents hair lightening or discoloring from the bleaching properties of peroxide. Alternatively, you can apply petroleum jelly on the hair strands around your ear.

Well it’s unfortunate that I forgot about that whole thing about people using peroxide to dye their hair. Luckily it appears any trickles avoided my locks. One point for my recent chop job. PS It’s funny how they think I would ever own a jar of petroleum jelly (gag fest).

Around Step 4, I learned I was supposed to let the HP soak for 20 minutes. PER EAR. Whoops. And it said don’t give up when it gets itchy/fizzy/uncomfortable.

I had only one choice. I had to do it again. I was now convinced my ears were in desperate need of the treatment and nothing else would suffice.

So I turned on Jersey Shore (don’t judge) and laid on my couch. And then switched sides 20 minutes later.

I will say nothing dramatic happened. Nothing crazy came out. (The article mentions CHUNKS of wax.) So I think that means ears were pretty clean to begin with.

Woo hoo!

(Hopefully the next few posts will be exciting enough to make up for this one.)

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