I spent a chunk of my evening at the 80th annual Hollywood Christmas Parade. It was my first time to witness the Tinsel Town Tradition. Appropriate, because our temps today were in the 80s. It cooled off for the evening, and even got a little windy, but nothing comparable to what it would be like at, say, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade or most holiday parades anywhere else in the country.
We had a prime location on the front line at the first bend in the parade route. It was also a hot spot for the LAPD.
It took a long time for the parade to get started. And then longer for the entertainment to reach our spot. In the meantime, police officers posed for pictures with people as if they were celebrities. At one point I looked over and saw a cop taking pictures for a family. Finally the Marines showed up. Instruments in hand.
Something you may or may not know about me: Marching bands are my favorite. I love listening to them. I love watching them. This parade featured a LOT of marching bands. High School ones. Military ones. Ones that dance. Ones that feature little kids. I was in heaven.
Sometimes Officer Eubank distracts me from marching bands. Look at him posing like that with his arms being all arm-like. He knew what he was doing. As soon as I figure out what rules bike cops enforce, I’m going to start breaking them.
Lassos and horses were frequent sights. There were no floats. I didn’t get pelted with cheap parade candy. But there was Latoya Jackson. And Montel Williams. And some girl from Good Luck Charlie (?). The police had to step in as kids went running up to her car. I had to ask a nearby kid who the heck she was. There was a lot of that happening. Me not knowing who people were. Lots of soap stars. (Mrs. Chancellor’s maid! Hope of Bo & Hope fame!) Vivica A. Fox. At least I knew this guy.
In other Back to the Future news, Lea Thompson was also there. And now to my favorite part of the parade. Hint: we didn’t stay for the Santa part. Ok there were a lot of horses in this parade. A LOT. And none of these horses were wearing what a friend’s bf referred to as a “poop bag.” And there were no pooper scoopers. So it was bound to happen. Nature called and one of the horses answered. In the intersection right in front of us.
The crowd’s reaction was priceless. Especially when s/he* followed it up with a long pee. The trail of which began heading straight for us. But that reaction paled in comparison to what happened when the acts following the horses came near the steaming pile of poo. The crowd oohed and ahhed like it was the grossest display of fireworks we had ever seen. I couldn’t stop laughing. We were laughing so hard we were crying as one, then two balloon walkers failed to escape the stinky wrath. And then a marching band walked up. Hysterics. Tear-streaming hysterics. Kids yelling “Look out!” More ews! More ohs! More laughter.
And then came the quote of the night. From a little voice that belonged to the 5/6 year old girl behind me: “I can’t stop looking at the pee and the poop.” She wasn’t the only one. Even Kermit tried to shield his eyes.
We had been there for over 2 hours and figured nothing would trump that moment. It was so perfectly apropos for a parade on Hollywood Blvd. So we headed home without seeing Santa. I saw him a couple of weeks ago eating at Tender Greens anyway. He knows what I want.
*I do know the difference between a she horse and a he horse, but there was a long blanket draped on said horse’s back so I couldn’t tell what kind of equipment s/he was working with.